A Mom’s Response to “Rude” by Magic!

When the song “Rude” by Magic! first came on the radio, I was immediately into it.  The catchy beat and chill tone are right up my alley.  When I started listening to the words, I was actually shocked that a popular song was actually talking about marriage in a favorable way.  The guy wants to marry this girl!?  How unlike the other songs out there these days where they just croon about getting in each others’ pants or doing other Totally Inappropriate to Listen to in the Van in Front of the Kids kind of things.

I normally don’t get all wrapped up in songs and lyrics, but the song “Rude” by Magic! really struck a chord with me.  I cried listening to “Rude” a few weekends ago because I was so happy that my husband chose to marry me anyway.

I keep seeing folks on my Facebook friends list slamming the song, talking about how disrespectful the lyrics and singer are to this girl’s dad.  They say the dude is being a disrespectful jerk and he shouldn’t try to “steal” the girl from her dad, and how dare he “marry her anyway”, etc.  I have to say, though, I see it from the other side and the song really speaks to me personally.

After seeing the mess that was the Dad’s Response to “Rude”, I knew I had to speak up.  Here is a mom’s response.  Here is my response.

A Mom's Response to Rude by Magic

Taken a few months before we got hitched. I was wearing my promise ring he got me.

You say I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die

I was the one that was rejected by ALL of my husband’s family and friends. Like EVERYONE. We eloped and only my mom and grandma were invited to the Justice of the Peace for our little ceremony at the courthouse.

Within a few hours, we got a threatening phone call from his parents while we were on our way to our staycation honeymoon at a bed and breakfast 30 minutes away because someone (we do know who) decided to call hubby’s parents to tell them what happened. So they were MAD!! Mad mad.

I’m gonna marry her anyway

I was 18. He was 22. We were both in college.  I was sort of surprised when he actually showed up to the courthouse.  No one forced him to go.  He had a class to go to first, then we were just going to meet up in the parking lot and head inside together.  I was nervous he wouldn’t show up, because he had absolutely no support.

His friends thought he was crazy.  Heck, they really just thought I was crazy.  I really kind of was at the time.  I see how much he had to give up to be with me.  The amazing part is that it was only temporary, though we didn’t know it at the time.  We didn’t know he’d rebuild those friendships and that his parents would eventually come around.

All we knew was that life just got real.  I got a full time job at a daycare making $6/hour, he had a part time job at the university he was attending making $6.50/hour and we were basically cut off by everyone.  His friends wouldn’t talk to him.  His parents wouldn’t speak to him.  Everyone seemed to be so disappointed in us.

Granted, my mom was supportive, and she paid for me to have health insurance for a little while.  My dad gave me a small gas budget for a short time.  My in-laws threatened to take away my husband’s car insurance, but at the last second (when we had already saved up enough to just pay for it ourselves), they decided to be gracious enough to pay it for 6 more months.  All a power play.

We even had to go on food stamps for a while and go without every luxury possible to make it.  You know, wading through the struggles like grown ups.  We paid our bills.  We worked hard.

A Mom's Response to Rude by Magic - He Married Me Anyway

Our shotgun wedding at the courthouse was still a fun affair!

We’ll be a family

We made a pact to grow up together.  Yes, we were young.  No, we had not really had time to really “live” in the sense that everyone tells you to do before settling down.  We chose to do life together, even though it wasn’t the popular choice among our family and peers.  We were adults making adult decisions.

We didn’t get married so we could grow up apart. We chose to do it TOGETHER. It’s been the foundation of pretty much every decision we’ve ever made.  I won’t lie.  Our first 2 years were REALLY HARD.  Since then, it has gotten so much better.  I’m so very glad we decided to stick it out and be our own little family.

Here we are, over a decade later and I have absolutely no regrets. As much as I totally understand and respect the family unit, it’s not to say that adults shouldn’t be able to make adult decisions. Even if they are young adults.  Parents should be raising children that will -gasp- eventually be independent of them.  That’s my opinion, anyway, and I know others may not see it that way.

Knocked on your door with heart in my hand

Sometimes that “great relationship” with your future spouse’s parents just can’t happen. Even if you try, sometimes the other party completely shuts you out. Sometimes they choose to hear what they want to hear. Sometimes people need to be able to make their own mistakes so they can grow to be better people because of it.

We’re working on our in-law relationship, and I really do feel like it has gotten a LOT better over the past 3 years. Now that my in-laws actually live near me, my mother in law has seen that we’re actually very similar and that my husband is a lot like HIS DAD. So now she gets me. She had never really given me a chance before and it was geographically impossible for her to even try to get to really know me in person to understand me as a person.

Oh, and you know what? I’m a very different person than I was at 18 with hormones racing through me, with little impulse control with my decision making. Maybe we jumped the gun. Maybe not. I’m just thankful that my husband made a pact with me to GROW UP TOGETHER. I’m thankful that our experiences have been AS A UNIT and AS A FAMILY.

A Mom's Response to Rude by Magic - My Family

Photo Credit The Java Mama / Becky Branch

Our life isn’t perfect, but who has a perfect life? I’m so blessed beyond words, even on my really crummy days when I sort of feel like running away and am only kind of kidding about it.  My entire identity is, in one way or another, wrapped up in the fact that I got married to my husband at 18.  I’m okay with that.

About Jenn L

Jenn lives in Fort Worth, Texas with her husband and 5 children. The family likes to eat healthy and try new recipes. Jenn homeschools all of the kids. She is heavily involved with local bloggers and is slightly addicted to social media.

Comments

  1. You know, I completely agree with you. I have seen the damage that can be done when a family shuns a person’s choice of spouse. It is never pretty and it always builds walls that can be very hard to tear down.
    Jessica recently posted…Go Back 149 Million Year in Just 24 hours in Vernal Utah: Travel Tips TuesdayMy Profile

  2. I love your story. So beautifully written. My relationship with my in laws has been tense and terrible for most of our marriage, but I’m working to make it better.
    Becca recently posted…Saving Money the Painless Way with Paperless Coupons #WalgreensPaperlessMy Profile

  3. Thank you for sharing your side of the “RUDE” story. I get very frustrated by the judgments people made about the song. While yes, I think it is great to get a Dad’s (or family) blessing, if that isn’t possible it doesn’t mean you just walk away. It is still ultimately between the two adults to decide if they want to marry.
    Emilie recently posted…Carter’s Back to School Fashion Trends and Pinterest Board + GIVEAWAY #CartersFallStyleMy Profile

  4. I’ve never heard the “Rude” song before… the Frozen soundtrack is permanently on repeat in my car right now…
    And good for you and your husband for following your hearts.
    Sharon L. recently posted…“Caprese” Sausage Patties with Pesto, Mozzarella and TomatoMy Profile

  5. I love this song and the words and the video! I haven’t been in this position before but i can’t imagine having that happen in a relationship. I’m glad you proved your husband’s family wrong and now have a great family of your own.
    Heather recently posted…Sea Shell Art & CraftsMy Profile

  6. I just heard this song for the first time today. I don’t really understand what everyone is getting all up in arms about. I LOVE that she marries the man she loves anyway. Why would parents want their children to marry someone that they don’t love? I got married at 22, not as young as you, but still young. My husband was 21. A lot of people thought we were crazy and I’m sure many people thought it would never last. But here we are, 10 years later and holding strong. We’ve been together for 14 years, we grew up together, just like you and your husband! No better way!
    Suzanne Michele recently posted…That Time We Bed-Shared with Our ToddlerMy Profile

  7. Wow. I just got chills!! I’m sharing your post and hoping that when my kids choose to get married, I will remember this. I want to support them, heart and soul.
    Dede recently posted…Attention nursing moms – FREE reusable padsMy Profile

  8. I too married at a young age. I love that you said you guys “grew up together” – that’s exactly how I feel. When you meet someone so early in life, you either grow together or grow apart. I’m so glad we grew together!
    Ashley recently posted…Red Minnie Mouse Loot Bags + DiY Coloring BookMy Profile

  9. I like this song, I didn’t even know there was such an uproar about it. I can understand from reading your story how you find it so relatable. It is so unfortunate that you and your husband weren’t supported at the beginning of your marriage but your love has certainly prevailed!
    Laura B recently posted…Cloth Diapers & Accessories from Sweet Pea Diapers Giveaway ~ Ends 8/7My Profile

  10. This is such an amazing post. People dont understand the power of love, and the dedication it takes to fights against your own families to be with the one who completes you. High five, mama!
    Jamie Knupp recently posted…Sleep Training: Naptime SuccessMy Profile

  11. What a beautiful story! It’s so hard when the in-laws hate you. My mother-in-law hated me from the start and was probably happy when my first husband and I split up. Now many years later, after swearing I never would, I have fallen in love again…and again, his mother hates me. For no other reason than that I am older than him. There is no reasoning with her. She refuses to even speak one word to me even to be polite. I hope things get better between you and in-laws and any advice you have on getting along with people who hate you for no reason I would love to hear!
    Jill Seibert recently posted…Flower crown tutorialMy Profile

  12. Great post, loved reading it!
    Katie Harding recently posted…200+ Boredom Busters: Games and Ideas!My Profile

  13. I just learned the meaning of this song the past weekend and like it so much more. I met my husband at 19, and although we waited 5 years to get married, its not like the outcome would have been much different if we married younger. I loved reading your story!
    JoAnn recently posted…Welcome to Whimsicle!My Profile

  14. Thanks so much for sharing with Wednesday’s Adorned From Above Link Party.
    Debi @ Adorned From Above
    Debi and Charly @ Adorned From Above recently posted…Dear God Note 3My Profile

  15. I love that you shared this story!! Honestly, I can’t wrap my head around why people don’t like that song…HOW CAN THEY NOT LIKE THAT SONG…but I had never even thought of it from a real-life perspective.

    Thanks for sharing, and I am glad you guys found each other and that he married that girl! 🙂
    Carrie recently posted…Take a Peek Inside Our NatureBox (and Get a NatureBox Coupon!)My Profile

  16. I love reading about how people met and got married! I think it is wonderful that you have four little kiddos – what a great family pic.

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