When the song “Rude” by Magic! first came on the radio, I was immediately into it. The catchy beat and chill tone are right up my alley. When I started listening to the words, I was actually shocked that a popular song was actually talking about marriage in a favorable way. The guy wants to marry this girl!? How unlike the other songs out there these days where they just croon about getting in each others’ pants or doing other Totally Inappropriate to Listen to in the Van in Front of the Kids kind of things.
I normally don’t get all wrapped up in songs and lyrics, but the song “Rude” by Magic! really struck a chord with me. I cried listening to “Rude” a few weekends ago because I was so happy that my husband chose to marry me anyway.
I keep seeing folks on my Facebook friends list slamming the song, talking about how disrespectful the lyrics and singer are to this girl’s dad. They say the dude is being a disrespectful jerk and he shouldn’t try to “steal” the girl from her dad, and how dare he “marry her anyway”, etc. I have to say, though, I see it from the other side and the song really speaks to me personally.
After seeing the mess that was the Dad’s Response to “Rude”, I knew I had to speak up. Here is a mom’s response. Here is my response.
You say I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die
I was the one that was rejected by ALL of my husband’s family and friends. Like EVERYONE. We eloped and only my mom and grandma were invited to the Justice of the Peace for our little ceremony at the courthouse.
Within a few hours, we got a threatening phone call from his parents while we were on our way to our staycation honeymoon at a bed and breakfast 30 minutes away because someone (we do know who) decided to call hubby’s parents to tell them what happened. So they were MAD!! Mad mad.
I’m gonna marry her anyway
I was 18. He was 22. We were both in college. I was sort of surprised when he actually showed up to the courthouse. No one forced him to go. He had a class to go to first, then we were just going to meet up in the parking lot and head inside together. I was nervous he wouldn’t show up, because he had absolutely no support.
His friends thought he was crazy. Heck, they really just thought I was crazy. I really kind of was at the time. I see how much he had to give up to be with me. The amazing part is that it was only temporary, though we didn’t know it at the time. We didn’t know he’d rebuild those friendships and that his parents would eventually come around.
All we knew was that life just got real. I got a full time job at a daycare making $6/hour, he had a part time job at the university he was attending making $6.50/hour and we were basically cut off by everyone. His friends wouldn’t talk to him. His parents wouldn’t speak to him. Everyone seemed to be so disappointed in us.
Granted, my mom was supportive, and she paid for me to have health insurance for a little while. My dad gave me a small gas budget for a short time. My in-laws threatened to take away my husband’s car insurance, but at the last second (when we had already saved up enough to just pay for it ourselves), they decided to be gracious enough to pay it for 6 more months. All a power play.
We even had to go on food stamps for a while and go without every luxury possible to make it. You know, wading through the struggles like grown ups. We paid our bills. We worked hard.
We’ll be a family
We made a pact to grow up together. Yes, we were young. No, we had not really had time to really “live” in the sense that everyone tells you to do before settling down. We chose to do life together, even though it wasn’t the popular choice among our family and peers. We were adults making adult decisions.
We didn’t get married so we could grow up apart. We chose to do it TOGETHER. It’s been the foundation of pretty much every decision we’ve ever made. I won’t lie. Our first 2 years were REALLY HARD. Since then, it has gotten so much better. I’m so very glad we decided to stick it out and be our own little family.
Here we are, over a decade later and I have absolutely no regrets. As much as I totally understand and respect the family unit, it’s not to say that adults shouldn’t be able to make adult decisions. Even if they are young adults. Parents should be raising children that will -gasp- eventually be independent of them. That’s my opinion, anyway, and I know others may not see it that way.
Knocked on your door with heart in my hand
Sometimes that “great relationship” with your future spouse’s parents just can’t happen. Even if you try, sometimes the other party completely shuts you out. Sometimes they choose to hear what they want to hear. Sometimes people need to be able to make their own mistakes so they can grow to be better people because of it.
We’re working on our in-law relationship, and I really do feel like it has gotten a LOT better over the past 3 years. Now that my in-laws actually live near me, my mother in law has seen that we’re actually very similar and that my husband is a lot like HIS DAD. So now she gets me. She had never really given me a chance before and it was geographically impossible for her to even try to get to really know me in person to understand me as a person.
Oh, and you know what? I’m a very different person than I was at 18 with hormones racing through me, with little impulse control with my decision making. Maybe we jumped the gun. Maybe not. I’m just thankful that my husband made a pact with me to GROW UP TOGETHER. I’m thankful that our experiences have been AS A UNIT and AS A FAMILY.
Our life isn’t perfect, but who has a perfect life? I’m so blessed beyond words, even on my really crummy days when I sort of feel like running away and am only kind of kidding about it. My entire identity is, in one way or another, wrapped up in the fact that I got married to my husband at 18. I’m okay with that.